Grief is for People by Sloane Crosley

How do we live without the ones we love? Grief Is for People is a deeply moving and suspenseful portrait of friendship, and a book about loss that is profuse with life. Sloane Crosley is one of our most renowned observers of contemporary behavior, and now the pathos that has been ever present in her trademark wit is on full display. After the pain and confusion of losing her closest friend to suicide, Crosley looks for answers in philosophy and art, hoping for a framework more useful than the unavoidable stages of grief.

For most of her adult life, Sloane and Russell worked together and played together as they navigated the corridors of office life, the literary world, and the dramatic cultural shifts in New York City. One day, Sloane's apartment is broken into. Along with her most prized possessions, the thief makes off with her sense of security, leaving a mystery in its place.

When Russell dies exactly one month later, his suicide propels Sloane on a wild quest to right the unrightable, to explore what constitutes family and possession as the city itself faces the staggering toll of the pandemic.

Sloane Crosley's search for truth is frank, darkly funny, and gilded with resounding empathy. Upending the "grief memoir," Grief Is for People is a category-defying story of the struggle to hold on to the past without being consumed by it. A modern elegy, it rises precisely to console and challenge our notions of mourning during these grief-stricken times.

How I heard about it

I don't remember, but I'm drawn to grief memoirs. In a cutting commentary, Crosley acknowledges this need, but also the way grief memoirs fall short. We who grieve keep trying to find the book that will answer our questions, but of course, grief is so individual despite being so universal.

We are so allergic to our own mortality; we'll do anything to make it not so. Denial is also the weirdest stage of grief because it so closely mimics stupidity. But it can't be helped. I can't be helped. I am holding these losses as an aunt might, as if they are familiar but not quite mine. As if they are books I will be allowed to return to some centralized sadness library.

The Story

Sloane's best friend, Russell, killed himself a month after her apartment was burglarised. These two events become linked in her mind, as she tries to get her stolen jewelry back. The symbolism is undeniable. I know this may come off as trite to some readers—the comparison of lost jewelry to a friend's death—but I think the concept of trying to wrestle back something lost, or a semblance of normalcy, of "before," is relatable.

The book comprises of a series of vignettes and anecdotes. Crosley turns the stages of grief on their heads with clever turns of phrases and witty metaphors. Sometimes she gets rather too clever in a way that I couldn't appreciate, but there's no denying that she's a smart woman who knows how to use her words.

While she shares about her friendship with Russell, she also walks us through her attempts to track down her jewelry. Because Russell started out as Sloane's boss, many of the stories revolve around the book publishing industry; namely, Vintage, the imprint they worked at. One of the interesting parts is about the controversy surrounding James Frey's fraudulent memoir.

What I liked

Crosley is careful not to speculate much about why Russell would have killed himself. She also doesn't comment much on the other people who loved Russell, which I chose to read as a desire to protect their stories and focus on her own.

Friendship is a huge theme. I'm always a sucker for friendship stories, although this one is a little...off...(see my thoughts below).

When it came to creating my own stories, I'd been playing for an audience of one for so long. Russell was my litmus test. Would this amuse him? Would he find it silly? I'd never published a word when he wasn't alive, when I didn't know him.

I related to the above quote, and the comradery of having a writing friend. My son, Ren, was that person for me, and I haven't found anyone to fill that absence since he died.

What I didn't like

I don't think it's off for me to say that the relationship between Sloane and Russell is just kind of weird. Right?

She's also oddly defensive of Russell's very inappropriate workplace behaviour. It has nothing to do with the younger generation, as she puts it, and Russell's inability to adjust.. More like..he shouldn't have been making inappropriate comments to begin with. It reminded me too much of another friend's boss.

Crosley writes in an insular way that doesn't invite the reader in. While that can be the nature of grief, it does make me question why this then had to be a book (as opposed to a journal).

Overall

Sloane Crosley has some insights on grief, and her voice is certainly unique. This was the first time I've been exposed to her writing, which I enjoyed. Sometimes it was a bit too much. There were many references to authors and publishing industry things that I didn't understand as a lay person, and that Crosley didn't bother explaining.

It's clear this book was written for a particular audience, and that audience was not me.

Who would like this: readers who are familiar with the publishing industry, enjoy witty and clever metaphors.