collection of silly conversations

5/20/26
me: do you see my eye bags?
husband: it looks like your eyes got stung by a bug

11/30/24
husband: did you do work?
me: yep
husband: do you feel better?
me: lots
husband: you’re so weird. i don’t relate at all.

11/28/24
husband: you’re the queen of spite. locking me in your grudgery

8/17/24
husband: you’re like an old lady with your routines and your cross-stitch

8/10/24
honey: are ponies ponies or do they grow into horses?

6/30/24
me: (talking about a time we went to disneyland) it was that one year you guys were trying to keep me alive

honey: that’s every year

6/28/24
me: writing joanne and i say every month that the next month will be our hermit month, and then we always end up socialising too much, then say the NEXT month will be the hermit month. so sad we never get a hermit month

husband: uh you don’t even see anyone..

6/28/24
husband: (referring to my lotr post) so uplifting and positive
me: ew is it too positive. i should tone it down.
husband: what no. it’s like, normal-people-level.

5/28/24
me: (when the coffee’s out) I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS
e: mommy i’ll kill the soldiers with you and save you
me: what

5/6/24
E: is ren gege in heaven
husband: Yeah
E: awww what about his snacks and toys

2/26/24
m: (shows me a reel of a guy brushing highland cows)
me: my dream 😍
husband: really? you’re gonna go out there with your body falling apart and scoop up their poop?

1/28/24
me: gonna go write
husband: why tho
me: huh?
husband: it’s so much work

1/13/24
me: it’ll mess me up
husband: you say that like you’re not already messed up

12/20/23
daddy: i dropped tiffany on her head when she was a baby and i thought, “oh no, she could have been a harvard child but now she’ll only be ucla”

12/9/23
e: when i’m 20 i’m gonna be so high

11/20/23
(e’s comments during LOTR marathon)
“(gollum) needs a shirt”
“i love this movie. this is my favourite movie”
“why doesn’t (aragorn) say thank you (to elrond) for the sword?”

11/3/23
e: mommy, you’re the CUTEST mess

11/6/23
me: elliot what are you thankful for?
e: my brother ren
me: huh why?
e: because he’s special

10/20/23
husband: i can tell when you’re angry
me: how
husband: you go scary cold and have this death stare

10/13/23
me: (after scolding e about interrupting the teacher too much in class)
e: mommy i have a surprise for you (gives me a little spinner toy). do you like it?
me: (still grumpy) uh huh
e: remember mommy you have to take a deep breath when you’re mad

10/6/23
me: (coughs)
e: are you sick, mommy?
me: yep
e: you’re always sick

9/22/23
husband: let’s watch a fun movie
me: boring
husband: it’s about girls beating up boys
me: ooh
m: and lesbians
me: well why didn’t you say so

9/9/23
husband: my love you need to relax
me: but i feel like if i let my shoulders loosen my boobs will fall off

9/7/23
e: you have to buy this blue t-shirt
husband: it’s the tk shirt and you’re not in tk
e: but i want it
husband: but you can’t
e: if you don’t buy it for me i’m gonna cry
husband: ok cry
e: …
m: cry. come on, hurry up

8/25/23
e to e: you’re my baby sister. you’re my best friend. i love you forever

8/23/23
e: when i grow up i wanna be strong like endora阿姨 with big big arms

8/22/23
me: i REALLY need these boots
husband: why? you don’t even go out

8/20/23
me: what if i become a workaholic?
husband: you ARE a workaholic

8/17/23
e: (while kobi is begging him for food) i can’t give you this because your throat will owing and you will DIE

8/12/23
e: my dad’s name is “my love”

8/4/23
e: bye mommy i’m going to target to buy stuff!

6/30/23
e: i like summer school because there are real kids
me: so your other school had fake kids?
e: yeah

5/20/23
me: i’m fading
husband: you’ve only been awake for two hours

5/19/23
e: miss lorena and miss bingbong
husband: miss habiba?
me: it’s habiba? i thought it was bingbong this whole time

5/1/23
husband: i feel like your brain is like, TOO rational sometimes

4/29/23
e: (to nichol) you’re my wife. i want you.

4/13/23
e: i wanna go 洗 car

4/13/23
e: i’m gonna go see henry
me: who the duck is henry
e: henry! i like henry. my brother henry
me & husband: …it’s renley
e: no it’s henry
husband: renley
e: i can’t talk about this anymore

4/4/23
me: do you feel loved
husband: sometimes
me: why only sometimes!
husband: when you’re awake
me: ..how am i supposed to love you when i’m asleep
husband: exactly

3/28/23
husband: i really like how my car knows i’m near and unlocks for me. makes me feel known. and seen.

11/21/22
e: mommy, you’re my superhero

10/23/22
e: i’m your son?
me: yes
e: no way

10/23/22
me: e you’re adopted
e: ohhHHHHHhhh
(husband laughing in the background: “ohhh” like he knows)
me: your first mommy couldn’t take of you so that’s why we’re your mom and dad now
e: WHAT are you talking about

10/6/22
me: wanna come over for cake?
mom: oh ok for your husband?
me: no for our dog
mom: …

9/27/22
me: my love, look at those booties
husband: my love, can you please buy some underwear

9/26/22
e: (pretending to talk on the phone to an unknown person) wait wait don’t go yet. i need my ramen and coffee. ok bye. beepbeep beepbeep.

9/20/22
husband: jesus is here (pats his chest)
e: (pulls his shirt and looks under it) no he’s not

9/6/22
e: (looking at my profile photo of us three and ren) it’s me and daddy and mommy and ren 哥哥, my favourite people

8/2/22
me: my legs feel like they don’t wanna work
husband: MAYBE you should have eaten lunch
me: MAYBE you should stop bossing me around
husband: MAYBE you need to work on submitting
me: wow

7/30/22
E: 爸爸我的poopoo游泳了

7/23/22
husband: I’m just like your fingernail skin. You just wanna rip me off, play with me, then discard.

7/4/22
husband: Tesla looks like a bar of soap

7/1/22
E: mommy, you’re so not cute

6/21/22
Me: you’re a poo
E: i know! =D

6/18/22
Dad: (to mom) you’re supposed to eat cheese for calcium
Me: yeah!
Mom: yeah to you. Eat properly
Me: i’m young so it’s fine. You’re old so it’s more important to eat healthy
Mom: except your body is more shit than mine

6/18/22
E: I wanna be neutered

6/11/22
Me: I wanna bang
Husband: you’re so weak it’ll be like banging a floppy dead fish

6/10/22
E: 媽媽我的屁股生病了

6/1/22
Husband: my love, you’re so skinny you look like a drug addict

5/30/22
E: Kobi's’s my best friend. And mommy.

5/20/22
Endora: there are more balls you can eat

5/17/22
E: Spider-Man 會打架。我也要打架。爺爺奶奶說不要打架

5/16/22
E: (praying for dinner) thank you God because I like Hannah and I like Ren 哥哥 and I like Jeremiah. Amen.

5/14/22
Husband: should I get another keyboard
Me: Uh you have SO MANY. Do you really need so many of the same thing
Husband: I don’t judge you for your books
Me: what is there to judge
Husband: do you really need so many editions of the same book? They’re the same words!

5/1/22
E: Hannah, 我一直一直想妳
H: (silence)
E: Hannah? 我說我一直一直想妳
H: (silence)
(Moments later)
H: 爸爸我聽不到音樂

4/26/22
E: 我不想給別人看
Me: 看什麼
E: 看帽子
Me: huh why
E: 因為不可愛

4/25/22
Me: you look sleepy. 你還要睡嗎？
E: 我不要睡，我只是 grumpy

4/23/22
(On pirate night)
Husband: I’m a pirate
Me: yes you are
Husband: I stole your heart
Me: (bursts into hysterical laughter)

(When laughter subsides)

Husband: I raided your booty
Me: (laughs hysterically again)

4/23/22
Me: go shave
Husband: I see it’s back to being mean to me day. Poor me.

4/22/22
(Seeing Cinderella)
Me: look Elliot, 是公主
E: 不是我的公主
Me: 你的公主是誰
E: 我的公主是 Hannah

4/21/22
E: 我喜歡坐船，好多好吃的，還有toys，好多pizza

3/5/22
Me: Elliot, what do you wanna be when you grow up
E: I wanna be doctor
Me: doctor? Why?
E: then I can doctor you so you don’t get sick anymore

2/21/22
E: 哇你好漂亮！我想抱妳，妳好可愛 （runs out）爸爸，媽媽好可愛！

2/11/22
Husband: don’t die
Me: why would i die
Husband: i dunno i just worry
Me: how would i die? I’m so young and hardy
Husband: (snorts)

1/24/22
Me: 弘嶽 你爸爸叫什麼名字？
E: 叫叫叫朱朱朱爸爸

1/14/22
E: (out of nowhere) HELP HELP I KNOW JESUS I KNOW JESUS I KNOW JESUS

1/9/22
Me: I don’t love you anymore
Husband: I know
Me: what
Husband: you wouldn’t even love me if I was a walrus

1/2/22
Me: you’re so dumb. Why are you even an adult
Husband: it’s not by choice

Husband: (in the kitchen) goddammit
E: 媽媽，爸爸說 curse word 了

12/31/21
H: mommy call the doctor-
E: NO IM DADDY

12/17/21
Me: my love, you fulfill all my needs
Husband: except your need for a pussy

12/13/21
Me: you’re compassionate
Husband: no I’m not. Not anymore
Me: you are
Husband: nope. Orphans are on their own. I don’t care. (Instantly starts crying)

11/24/21
Husband: I’m underground. Like an ugly mole. Blind.

11/13/21
E: (after leaving Huntington) mama where’s the garden
Me: it went home
E: (starts crying)

11/11/21
Honey: I love balls. They taste good.

11/10/21
Honey: (while poking my butt) why is your butt so squishy? You need to exercise

10/30/21
Husband: look at (Hercules), he’s all grey
Me: just like me
Husband: yea what’s wrong with you
Me: ..I was half joking but ok

10/17/21
E: I want the squirt-squirt (repeats several times because nobody knows what he’s talking about)
Mom: oh the spray bottle
E: yea squirt-squirt

9/28/21
E: Daddy you’re like Scar. Mommy, you’re like baby (Simba).

9/24/21
E: legoland! Huzzah!

9/23/21
E: my mommy
Husband: mommy’s mine
E: MINE
Husband: mommy’s mine
E: MINE. MY MOMMY

E: 我想要跟媽媽睡覺。你不要過來

9/14/21
Husband: you’re my booty
Me: what
Husband: I’m a pirate

9/11/21
(In the middle of the night after E kept waking up crying)
H: (screaming) 不要哭了！(smacks E) 睡覺!

Me: H gets a cookie because she slept well. E doesn’t because he kept bothering everybody
(Later)
Me: H do you wanna share a little with 哥哥?
H: (pinches a tiny crumb off)

9/10/21
E: 去 Legoland 好開心

Husband: (while on the fairytale boat ride at legoland) my love look it’s you. It’s Grumpy.

9/9/21
Me: my love, am i your salmon
Husband: my what? You’re my everything so I guess you’re my salmon

E: 你是媽媽
H: 我不想吃媽媽啦